Saturday, February 11, 2012

What a ride!

Infertility is definitely an emotional roller coaster ride. I remember when I had my surgery in November the doctor said you should be pregnant in 3 months. Sitting there with Ike and counting down that we could have a baby in 2012. I thought by February I would have had 3 full cycles. I've had one, and it was Provera induced. So Thursday we went in to see what is going on. I thought we would go and he would prescribe ovulation meds and we would move right along. Unfortunately that was not what happened. He found a cyst in one of my ovaries that is fairly large. Fabulous! Now we are waiting to see if it goes away on it's own. He seems to believe it will. The thing is we can't start meds to help me ovulate till it is gone. I was SAD and ANGRY.  Realizing the chances of having a baby this year are no longer a reality.  April will make 3 years we have been trying to get pregnant.  It is very hard to understand.  Thursday was awful.  I felt like if I could just move on I could be better, but there is no moving on.  I know that the visit was not terrible like I orginally felt.  I know that ovulation meds are still an option, and that really is a blessing. I am thankful that I have a relationship with the Lord and I know He has perfect timing.  We just have to stay focused on that and continue to pray for His will.

4 comments:

AmandaO said...

I know it's hard dealing with all of this. After Abby was born we wanted another child. We went thru 2 miscarriages. One of those was a 20 week baby boy. I couldnt understand why this was happening to us. After giving birth to our little boy we still wanted to have another child. We tried for a year. I finally learned that I was pregnant. Yes I was scared out of my mind. Would this one last? Would the baby be healthy? What if?? It's so hard going thru all this. You are right to be sad and mad. But also know that he does have perfect timing. There is a reason why that little bundle of joy hasn't joined your family yet. We just had Philips 6th. Those feelings are just as real and still there as they were 8 years ago. It's not something that goes away. Each baby you have there's a story behind them coming to this world. Abby and Philip are perfect in every since of the word. We haven't learned why it took so long to complete our family. One day we will see the big picture. Right now we just see the pages as they turn. I share my story only with those that are going thru what I went thru. I see it as my testimony. You see I to was hurting, mad, sad, and yes at one point angry. After having a still born baby you seem to be mad at everyone. I prayed and prayed. Asked why? What did I do that was so bad? I did nothing. Neither have you. We go thru this because there's someone who is not as strong as we are. You will be placed in their life one day. That's when you will know why you have went thru this. Your baby is waiting in the wings. It's just not time for your name to change just yet. Time and prayer will change you from Brandy to mommy as soon as its just right. I'm here if you need to talk or vent. Call, email, or FB anytime. Love you!

The Davis Daily said...

Praying for y'all during this difficult time. We have other friends in the same boat. We also have more friends that we told they wouldn't have kids for over 10 years and are now pregnant. HE has a plan for all of us!! We love y'all!!

Jones Family said...

Brandy- I can not even begin to imagine your frustration or hurt. I actually wrote a blog a few weeks ago about this subject because we have so many friends that are experiencing infertility, miscarriages etc. Although I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, I often get frustrated too. I trust God's soveignty, but hardly understand it a lot of times. Just know that I am praying for you. I love you guys!

Kyle and Lauren Walker said...

We are praying for you and Ike and are here for you in anyway you need! We love you both and know the Lord does have perfect timing! We can't wait to see you soon!